Retired chef and Kirkmuirhill and Blackwood Men’s Shed (KBMS) Member John McFall (75) shares his story of feeling ‘forgotten’ following his daughter’s death and subsequent marriage breakdown, turning to alcohol and being on the verge of taking his own life before joining, and feeling saved by, his local Men’s Shed.
John said: “KBMS has been a lifesaver for me. I know that sounds quite dramatic but it literally has been. I came close to taking my own life a couple of times—I was on the verge and could not see a way out.
“Life has not been easy. My first marriage broke down and I brought up my two young children alone. Over time, I remarried— happily for many years, before tragically losing my daughter to suicide when she was just 27 years old. I didn’t realise at the time how much of an affect that had on me or on the marriage.
“I ended up on my own in a sheltered housing complex—a one bedroom flat and weekends in particular were horrendously lonely. It felt like a prison sentence. I was on my own; with little or no contact with anyone else from day to day.
“I started drinking, basically because it was a kind of comfort for me at the time and helped me sleep, something I was really struggling with. I started using alcohol as a way of getting to sleep rather than seeking help. I was in a very dark place.
“I felt forgotten so began looking for ‘something’. I started doing some local volunteering including cleaning up hospital gardens but unfortunately that role ended too. And then, four years ago, I heard about the Shed and what they’d done and thought ‘I have to look into that’. So I did. I got the information that I needed and drove up to Kirkmuirhill and filled out my membership form there and then—one of the best things I’ve ever done.
“It really could not have come at a better time for me. I found that a lot of the guys were very open about some
of the problems that they were having, health wise and in their personal lives, and some had similar experiences to me. There were a few particular members that I ended up getting close to.
“When you finally get a chance to talk to somebody—someone you can really relate to—you could just talk to them all day, get a lot off your chest and you know that what you share is not going to be laughed at or passed on to anyone else—it’s a safe space.
“Knowing that I had a fair bit to travel to and from the Shed—because I’m quite isolated in the village where I live—also took me away from the alcohol. The last thing I needed was to lose my driving license and feel even more social isolation.
“I now go to the Shed on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays most weeks. The Shed never used to open on a Friday but after I requested it, they began opening for that additional day to meet my needs. The Shed and my fellow Shedders are a great help to me because it gives me a purpose and somewhere else to go rather than sitting in a sheltered housing complex.
“That was the godsend for me and that’s what really perked me up because I found that I could open up and get things off my chest.
“But it wasn’t just the social side that I loved. As a retired chef—I had never worked with wood in my life but the very first project I did, I was amazed at how much I thoroughly enjoyed working with wood and the tools and machinery. I got into it in a big way and have learned so much.
“I’ve been involved in so many Shed projects now including hand carvings and making clocks to sell at local fairs and community events. It is a pleasure to do my bit to raise funds to help keep this Shed functioning for all of the members including myself.
“All I can say is, for people out there reading this, that suffer from loneliness, are isolated in their own homes and/or grieving—get yourself along to the Shed because it has been my lifeline and it could be yours too!”